You would never imagine your sibling throwing something at you, hurling insults at you, or touching you inappropriately. Unfortunately, it has been, and is the truth for some.

Sibling abuse, a type of family violence, is defined as siblings exhibiting abusive behaviour towards the other sibling(s) in the family. Despite being one of the most common forms of abuse one may face, it remains heavily unreported and relatively understudied. Victims of sibling abuse are not limited to physical abuse, they can experience other forms of abuse such as emotional, psychological, and sexual. Factors such as family dynamics, parenting behaviour, individual circumstances or cultural practices may exacerbate or cause the abuse (Caspi & Firm, 2012).

Sibling abuse causes long-term consequences across one’s lifespan. Unfortunately, it has been commonly overlooked, especially by parents as “normal quarrelling”, or others who are unaware of the situation. This may be due to the “empathy gap”, a type of cognitive bias that makes people unable to understand others’ mental states (e.g. happiness, sadness). It also applies to perspectives and visceral drives (Effectiviology, n.d.). Thereby, they are unable to grasp the concept that a family member could exhibit abusive behaviour. Hence, they do not understand the deep severity of the issue. 

Past research has found that sibling relationships are critical due to its contribution in the development of one’s attachment style, and how it affects other relationships (Buist, 2013; Whiteman et al., 2011). Moreover, the relationship is an enduring one as it starts from birth, and also affects development in early years (Howe et al., 2023). Hence, sibling abuse is much more serious than one may initially think. The effects of sibling abuse include, but are not limited to – aggression in other relationships, mental health problems, difficulties sleeping and/or academic/behavioural problems in school (Meyers, 2015; Lebow, 2022; Baker, n.d.).

Additionally, family matters are commonly viewed as private matters, deeming enquiries or intervention difficult. Your friend who seems kind and good, may be a perpetrator going undetected of sibling abuse. Family ties and/or feelings of kinship may make the victim stay quiet. Hearing “but they’re your brother/sister!” is definitely not making the victims feel better when seeking needed help.The heavy influence of “saving face” in our Asian culture may also make one opposed to  “airing dirty laundry”. Hence, these circumstances make it difficult for sibling abuse to be treated as a serious issue, and discussed as such.  

 

If you are, or know anyone who may be or is suffering from sibling abuse, please contact authorities such as National Anti-Violence and Sexual Harassment Helpline (NAVH) at 1800-777-0000, or go to the nearest police station around. Alternatively, you can seek help at social service centres such as Care Corner for case management.

 

Done by:

Jayanne Gee

 

References:

Baker, L., Lalonde, D., Tabibi, J. (n.d.). Issue 21: Sibling violence. Learning Network – Western Centre for Research& Education on Violence Against Women & Children https://gbvlearningnetwork.ca/our-work/issuebased_newsletters/issue-21/index.html#:~:text=Unstable%20parental%20behaviour%20and%20disorganized,sibling%20sexual%20abuse%20increases24

Buist, K. L., Deković, M., & Prinzie, P. (2013). Sibling relationship quality and psychopathology of children and adolescents: A meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review, 33(1), 97–106. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2012.10.007 

Caspi, J., & Firm, P. (2012). Sibling aggression : assessment and treatment. Springer. https://books.google.com.sg/books?id=vG0SYitB53kC&printsec=copyright&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q=factors&f=false 

Effectiviology. (n.d.). The empathy gap: why people fail to understand different perspectives. Effectiviology. https://effectiviology.com/empathy-gap/ 

Howe, N., Recchia, H., & Kinsley, C. (2023). Sibling relations and their impact on children’s development. Encyclopaedia on Early Childhood Development. https://www.child-encyclopedia.com/peer-relations/according-experts/sibling-relations-and-their-impact-childrens-development 

Ingram, K. M., Espelage, D. L., Davis, J. P., & Merrin, G. J. (2020b). Family Violence, Sibling, and Peer Aggression During Adolescence: Associations With Behavioral Health Outcomes. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 11(26). https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2020.00026 

Lebow, H. I. (2020). How sibling abuse can affect survivors. Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/ptsd/sibling-abuse-ptsd#sibling-abuse-and-ptsd 

Whiteman, S. D., McHale, S. M., & Soli, A. (2011). Theoretical Perspectives on Sibling Relationships. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 3(2), 124–139. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1756-2589.2011.00087.x